What Kills Long Distance Relationships?

Relationships often come with many ups and downs. One major challenge that often puts pressure on relationships is distance. Maintaining a long distance relationship comes with its own set of difficulties very different from relationships where partners live close by.

The inability to see each other frequently and share daily life experiences can strain even the most solid of bonds over time if not handled properly. However, many long-distance partnerships still flourish despite the challenges by following certain principles and putting in hard work from both sides.

Challenges In Long-Distance Relationships

One of the biggest killers of long distance relationships is comparing your relationship with others. It is very easy to feel envious seeing partners who live together being affectionate on social media. However, every relationship is unique and comparing seldom helps.

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Focus on nurturing your own bond. Another temptation is being intimate with someone physically closer. However, breaking the trust you have built will only sabotage something meaningful in pursuit of something temporary.

Partners also drift apart when the relationship becomes routine and boring due lack of shared experiences. Spicing things up regularly through quality communication and meaningful gestures ensures the emotional spark remains lit.

Poor communication is also a major relationship killer. Misunderstandings creep in more easily without non verbal cues. It is important to make communication a priority through video calls, messages, listening actively and reflecting to understand each other fully.

Being in love with the idea of love while not putting in real work to understand your partner as an individual human being with flaws also leads to disillusionment over time. Not allocating quality time despite busy schedules makes partners feel neglected.

It is wise to schedule dedicated hours rather than leaving communication to chance. Refusing to take responsibility for mistakes and growing through conflicts in a mature way also creates toxicity and resentment.

The Hardest Thing In A Long-Distance Relationship

While different struggles may vary from couple to couple, most agree that not being able to be physically intimate is one of the hardest parts about long distance relationships. The inability to hold hands, share lingering hugs, sneak a kiss or engage in other forms of physical affection takes a toll on both emotional and sexual intimacy over time for many.

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It becomes difficult to feel truly connected without those bonding experiences to look forward to. For highly social partners, missing out on everyday casual interactions can also feel lonely at times such as not being able to grab a spontaneous coffee after work. Important milestones and simple pleasures of sharing day-to-day life are what many long for the most.

Signs That Suggest It’s Time To End A Long-Distance Relationship

When hopes for reunification seem to be fading with no clear plan to close the distance, it often indicates the practicality of continuing the relationship needs re-evaluation. Feelings of resignation, constant bickering and resentment are also red flags.

Similarly, if one partner seems to have emotionally checked out while the other still hopes to hold on, it is unfair to keep them hanging. Deteriorating trust from unaddressed issues and incompatible expectations over time are other signs it may be best to go separate ways on good terms instead of prolonging the conflict and hurt.

However, an otherwise healthy relationship with an end date to the distance in sight may just need patience to weather the current challenges.

Why Are Long-Distance Relationships Hard?

A major reason why maintaining long-distance relationships is difficult stems from lack of physical intimacy. Not being able to hug, hold hands, kiss or be intimate with a partner regularly takes an emotional toll. It begins to feel like any other non romantic relationship based on communication alone after a while which threatens the special bond.

Long distance also breeds insecurity more easily. Not being around to experience daily life together and see your partner interact with others up close increases suspicion and jealousy. Communication too becomes inconsistent without the ability to talk casually every day in person.

Miscommunications are also common through texts, emails or calls where non-verbal cues are missing. This introduces scope for hurt, arguments and damage to intimacy. Partners may also start to drift emotionally and develop independent routines without the constant company to keep alignment.

Depression often creeps in due to loneliness, especially during tough times when one most wants physical comfort. Long distance also makes it difficult to be there to share major life milestones or handle relationship issues promptly in person.

The strain of financial costs to visit as well as juggling careers adds practical difficulties. Over time, it becomes hard to see a feasible future together with the distance, fueling hopelessness.

Things That Kill Long-Distance Relationships

While maintaining a long distance bond requires effort, some challenges have the potential to seriously damage or even end the relationship if left unaddressed. Feeling insecure is very common when apart from a partner.

However, allowing small suspicions to fester into trust issues through accusations or snooping often sinks relationships. Inconsistent communication where one partner seems more invested in sharing daily life and the other remains distant emotionally also creates imbalances.

Little white lies told to avoid arguments breed mistrust over time. Fear of infidelity, whether rational or not, poisons happiness if constantly brought up instead of working on strengthening communication and trust.

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Feeling depressed without the security of physical intimacy takes a toll on individual well-being and the relationship. Missing out on partnering up for big life moments generates resentment. Financial constraints of visits becoming unsustainable adds mundane worries to an already challenging dynamic.

Hopelessness sets in if the distance feels indefinite with no end in sight. Lack of common interests and individual priorities drifting the partners in incompatible directions long term worsens compatibility issues over time. Broken promises, unfulfilled expectations and dishonesty destroys the foundation of loyalty long distance relationships are built on.

Breaking Up With Someone You Love

Breaking up is often the hardest thing to do especially when you still have strong feelings for someone. However, sometimes continuing a relationship that isn’t working or has run its natural course will only cause more harm.

Have an honest conversation explaining your feelings have changed and it is best to end things. Be direct but also respectful and avoid blaming. Tell them clearly you do not wish to continue the relationship rather than leaving it open-ended. Go no contact after for both your emotional well-being.

How To End A Long-Distance Relationship With Someone?

Ending a long distance relationship needs handling delicately given you likely still care for each other a lot as people even if romantically it is not working anymore. The most compassionate way is to be transparent in a video call about your feelings honestly and why you feel the relationship has run its course.

Thank them for their time and commitment to the relationship but clear contact needs to end. Arrange to return anything they own and delete/block from social media after for a clean break. Suggest limiting future contact to avoid mixed signals as the breakup sinks in. Wish them the very best while moving on independently.

How To Fix Emotional Distance In A Relationship?

Talk openly about what is contributing to feeling distant from your partner. Dig deeper than surface issues. Schedule quality time for meaningful conversations. Share thoughts and feelings without judgment.

Be present during interactions, put phones/distractions away. Try new experiences together like hobbies, travel et al to reconnect emotionally. Compromise to find solutions together through active listening instead of accusations.

Express gratitude, say ‘I love you’ small acts of affection bridge distances. Counseling may help if unwilling to communicate constructively alone. Be patient as change often happens gradually with continuous effort from both sides.

How To Fix Fights In A Long-Distance Relationship?

Fights are inevitable in any relationship but more so due lack of in person contact. To fix arguments.

1. Do not discuss heated topics through text/call. Schedule video chats when calm.

2. Listen actively to understand different perspectives instead of reacting.

3. Admit fault and apologize sincerely when you’ve hurt your partner.

4. Compromise to find common solutions both are comfortable with.

5. Agree to disagree respectfully on some topics instead of trying to force an opinion.

6. End discussions positively by reminding why you care for each other beyond this conflict.

7. Communicate daily through lighter check-ins to avoid unaddressed issues building up.

Is It Normal To Feel Distant In A Long Distance Relationship?

Yes, feeling some degree of emotional distance is very normal and common in long distance relationships due to physical separation. However, this distance should not be allowed to grow too much or become the status quo as that risks damaging intimacy over time.

It is important to proactively bridge emotional gaps through quality communication, vulnerability, quality time spent together even if virtually and small thoughtful gestures. Feeling disconnected sometimes is natural for practical reasons like busy lives but reconnecting regularly is what prevents relationships from passively drifting apart long term due to distance alone.

Effects Of Long Distance Relationships On Physical And Mental Health

 Physical And Mental Health

Maintaining long-distance relationships can negatively impact one’s health. The lack of physical intimacy decreases oxytocin and vasopressin levels over time, hindering the bonding process. Additionally, the constant stress of worries from geographical separation increases stress hormone production.

This takes a toll mentally as partners often experience loneliness, depression, and mood issues stemming from emotional disconnection. Practically, disrupted sleep patterns and changes in appetite or weight also occur in response to relationship induced stress.

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On a cognitive level, the brain receives less reward due to less quality time together, lowering feel good neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin. This leaves individuals feeling less motivated with low moods.

If the challenges of long distance coupling are not appropriately managed, they can potentially undermine well being by increasing health risks from elevated stress over the long-term.

What Happens To The Brain When You Are Living In Long-Distance Relationships?

  • Oxytocin & Vasopressin levels (bonding/pairing hormones) drop from lack of physical affection like hugging, kissing, sex etc impacting emotional attachment.
  • Stress levels rise due to worries about relationship status, loneliness & relationship problems handled from afar. This activates the amygdala.
  • Serotonin levels decrease due to missing romantic partners leading to low mood, depression & anxiety.
  • Dopamine releases less on missing out quality time opportunities together dampening the reward center motivation for the relationship.

Physically, lack of intimacy can lead to

  1. Restless sleep patterns due poor quality rest without a partner’s presence.
  2. Weight/appetite changes from stress & low mood fluctuations impacting overall wellness.
  3. Unsatisfying sexual relationship with possible impact on libido long-term due to unmet needs.

Mentally, distance often leads to

  • Loneliness, low self esteem & negative thought spirals from emotional disconnection.
  • Mood swings/depression from relationship uncertainties & missing their presence.
  • Concentration & motivation issues at work/studies due constant distraction missing their partner.
  • Ways To Make Yourself and Your Partner Feel Good In Long-Distance Relationship
  1. Compliment your partner sincerely and remind them why you care for them through thoughtful messages.
  2. Send care packages with small personalized gifts, love letters/notes, photos together etc.
  3. Share daily updates through calls/messages to keep emotional intimacy alive.
  4. Send songs, poems or draft a digital book together to feel more connected creatively.
  5. Plan upcoming video dates to look forward to and leverage technology like watching movies online together.
  6. Schedule virtual dates to cook/bake favorite meals together eating at the same time separated by distance.
  7. Make a scrapbook, video montage, playlist together to look back on special memories.
  8. Send handwritten cards & letters that can be kept and re-read for instant connection & comfort.
  9. Surprise partners by planning trips together by booking separate yet parallel Airbnb apartments in new exciting places to visit virtually or eventually reconnect in-person. Being proactive to nurture the relationship emotionally and mentally ensures fondness remains strong till the distance eventually closes bridging just geography but not hearts.


What is the biggest problem in long-distance relationships?

Lack of physical intimacy and increased insecurity due to lack of quality time together.

When should you break up in a long-distance relationship?

When hopes of reunifying are gone and resentment/unhappiness has replaced the fondness.

How do long-distance relationships end?

Direct communication from one or both partnering realizing it’s no longer working practically or emotionally.

Can you fall in love long-distance?

Yes, through quality conversation and activities together consistently over time a strong bond can form.

How to make him miss you?

Give him space and focus on your own growth and hobbies. Send thoughtful messages/gifts randomly without constant communication.

Is distance a reason to break up?

It depends on individual needs, circumstances and whether there is a clear end-date to close the gap or not in the foreseeable future.

How long can a long-distance relationship last without seeing each other?

It varies greatly between couples but most don’t sustain well beyond 6-12 months without in-person meetups working to close the physical gap long-term. Consistent communication is key.


While long distance relationships require tremendous effort to maintain positive connections, many find ways to successfully overcome challenges posed by physical separations with commitment, communication, trust and quality virtual/in-person time together.

Addressing issues constructively, learning through ups and downs and prioritizing the relationship strengthens bonds that distance alone cannot weaken. With patience and understanding from both sides, these dynamic partnerships have the potential to flourish into lifelong loving commitments.

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